How many rope access technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Yesterday it took me two hours to change a bulb in my headlight. What i want to know is why don't they make these things easier for you? The bulb was held in with a super strong spring which you couldn't get to cos of the coolant system. What a joke! In the end i had to bash the catch off with a file. Ridiculous! Anyway pay homage to Jonny with the crux hold of Walkaway:


Some shots of Adam at shucks lair:

Bank Holiday

Pictured above is my great uncle alan, starved of oxygen during birth he is an inspiration. One of the funniest men in the world and still going strong at 90!
Went down the orme today, was boners. Met nige, jonboy, joe le sausage and there lovely partners. they had been to Andy Harris's wedding in ireland. Congrats Andy and shiv! Keith and Cattells turned up. I was feeling a bit more physced. Just a shame that i'm weak compared to a month ago (thats working for you). Pottered about on everything then went to the box with world allrounder Nico Favaresse. Nice chap.

Your Sunday Sermon - Nightclub Issues

This weeks Sunday Sermon is about the past-time of night clubbing. A popular recreational activity that a large part of the younger population partake in. Father Doylo often samples the nightlife of various substantial settlements in order to canvass for the church and spread the lord's good word. In this weeks Sermon i'm going to outline some of the observations that have become immediately apparent on these nights out. Firstly why is every nightclub a total sausagefest. The sausage always outnumbers the ladies in every establishment. There is nothing that is more annoying than a nightclub of pissed up sausage. They are either out on the pull and so are eyeing up, groping and ogling the poor females or they are out to get bladdered with there mates. In this case they are on the dancefloor dancing like idiots, bumping into people and spilling peoples drinks. There is no need for this loutish behaviour. Fair enough go and have a good time but just calm things down a bit for gods sake. I HATE getting pushed around in clubs and having folk stand right in front of you when your trying to throw some shapes. So annoying. And why do girls get off with idiots who are only after one thing? Surely they can read them like a book! Have some self respect love and be a bit picky! Last night in a establishment called Caesars i was outside when a bloke and a girl walked past (on the way to
a taxi) i overheard the girl saying to the sausage "You do remember my name don't
you- whats my name?" This sort of behavour is disgraceful. Sex before marriage is a sin. And so go forth to these establishments but be wary my children.

Devon Rampage!

Me and mule set off to devon on friday night for a bit of a jolly. We were keen to do some climbing and sample the nightlife; First port of call was Upton near Bude. We were keen to check out a problem called Wet Bootie 7c. This looked well good. After initially walking past it,dismissing it and walking for a further 30 minutes it dawned on us that it was Wet Bootie- a bit smaller than we had envisaged. Anyway it turned out to climb quite nicely and the holds were pleasant. Mule dispatched but i couldn't quite link the moves not being very good on a beachball-type sloper! We thought 7b/7b+ was fair:


Then we headed to Hartland Quay to check out Ache Ball, originally graded 8a until James and Keith went and downgraded it to 7c. I quickly got to the last move with the aid of a kneebar and mule couldn't use the original heel so he did it in two moves without the crimp. I didn't quite manage the last move but 7c felt fair for this.


Mule pottered around on a right hand start to Carnage and then we buggered off to Barnstaple to get some food and check out the nightlife. To cut a long story short we met up with Ami (who i'd met in Chester two weeks ago) and we all went to Bideford to a nightclub called Ceasars. Very interesting place with a DJ with peculiar tastes. He played that Babybell song at one point- bizarre! Anyway Mule got bladdered like he does and i hung out with Ami all night (amazing girl!) At the end of the night we jumped in the Almera and set off home at 3.30 am. I lasted till about 5.30 then needed to sleep so pulled into the services. very good few days!

The ghost of Cringlebarrow

Apologies for the lack of blogging recently - a man has to work! Went climbing to Cringlebarrow this week with Greg and Sausage and another chap. pretty nifty little crag. Nigella is convinced this place is haunted so i was keen to see the famous ghost. The main 8a traverse is pretty cool, very hard start and with a slightly shit finish grabbing two crimps with dots on em. Couple of cool up problems too, i was climbing like umbama the 19th so did jack shit but it was another crag tick if nothing else. Settled into working life now, its not too bad, i get paid vast amounts of money for nothin doing too much - perfect! Went out in Lancaster last night with greg and the others which was quiet but still fun. Going to Devon with Mule in a sec, he wants to check some waves out and i'm gonna check some boulders (amongst other things...)

Your Sunday Sermon - PHYSCHE!

Physche is one of the mysteries of modern rock climbing. It comes and goes like the proverbial wind- fluctuations in physche can be one of the most frustrating aspects of rock climbing. Physche can be realated to obvious factors such as performance (it stands to reason that a man at the top of his game will able to retain physche more easily). However it is not uncommon for a dip in physche to occur at random intervals in the climbers year. For example the Reverend Doyle himself, was crusing along enjoying his climbing, getting ticks then suddenly it was gone! The will to try had evaporated! The important thing to remember is that it comes back, it always comes back. Maybe your jaded and just need a change of scene. Do not question yourself and get frustrated at your lack of enthusisam for the sport you know you love. It is in fact healthy to have a downturn in physche maybe twice a year. A man who is physced as a ric waller in a cake shop for the whole year is asking for trouble. The body cannot keep up with this pace and it is easy to get injured. As a rock climber gets older physche is one of the things that slowly starts to ebb away. Of course most climbers still have a deep love for the sport but that omnipresent feeling of living for climbing no longer becomes realistic as external factors such as work and relationships require more of a climbers time and emotional investment. The improtant thing to remember is that we're in the best game in the world, such a diverse sport with so many avenues to explore. Keep the faith my children.
One of the most physched men on gods earth - Mr David Graham:

Perfect

Today i met the man of my dreams. Down in Lancaster all the schoolkids were in the centre after finishing school and thus were getting there shirts signed etc... There were many young schoolgirls wearing very short skirts and stockings! Me an Pete were casually observing when a certain gradfather came up to us. Neither of us was prepared for what would transpire in the next ten minutes. The stuff he was realing off was so sick i couldn't believe my ears - i was soon in stiches. What a dirty old bastard! here he is:



Very attractive i'm sure you'll agree.
Climbing wise it was a another nothin week. I really can't b arsed at the moment. not to worry though, This has happened a lot to me in the past and i always bounce back. I tried Transgenic with Sausage then on Thursday went to woodwell with Tomo an co. Just gotta keep things ticking over. Some more Lancaster shots:

Your Sunday Sermon - The Rich Tapestry of Life

On a certain car journey with my old king a few years ago he gave me a few sharp warnings. At the time i was obsessed with rock climbing to the point that it was all i did and all i wanted to do. My old king being a wise old owl spotted that this was an unhealthy situation for a young man to be in. To have all ones eggs in one basket is a dangerous game. It is essential that human beings must have more than one interest. For example in the game of rock climbing what happens if injury occurs and the bloke in question can no longer pull down. This leaves a void in his life. The inhability to fill this void could leave to many problems. That is why to be part of life's rich tapestry we must diversify and spread our wings and engage in more than one activity. We all know that climbing rock's is the greatest activity a man can partake in. Howvever there are many other worthwile pursuits in life. For example women are beautiful creatures and deserve out time and effort. Whatever it may be (snooker, football, sex, politics, philosophy etc...) find the things that you enjoy doing and your life will be a lot more richer for it. Amen.
Oh yeah an i'm 26 today- get in!

A SIGHTING!

On wednesday it was my pleasure to witness the man, the myth, the legend, Johnny "G" G. This was one of the greatest moments of my life to see G this close up and to be introduced to him. He was everything i expected humourous, modest and humble. He let it slip that he had been doing some rock climbing. Among other things he has reversed Anathesia to give a probable 8b+ bloc. He was lookin trim, check the pics:




I was at Warton with Greg, Ray Wood, Panton and Nodder. Here's nodder on a 7c:


I climbed twice this week, one time at woodwell trying nice one dave (tricky bloc) and second time at Warton. Best thing i did was Black Light stand up (7a+) very nice. As for work well it was grim, those men in the prison are incarcerated because they have done bad things. It was strange to see them in there.




We also checked out the Lancaster nightlife, quite good, i got a number on the first night so was a good start!

SENT DOWN!

The big news is that tommorrow i'm finally going back to work (in a jail no less). Some may say i've been due a bit of jail time for a while! So unfortunately the blog updates will be a bit less frequent. I intend to begin a seige on the South Lakes limestone while i'm up there so report back to see whats been going down.
Today after not being able to park in the pass i took matt, gave louise and david buchanan to the Plas-y - brenin boulder- a very nice piece of stone I managed a new tick for me, he traverse into the hobbit 7b+ and a very nice time was had by all. Can i also just say it just took me 1 hour 30 min to get from deganwy to holywell- bank holiday cunts!

Your Sunday Sermon - The Art of Crushing

My apologies for the lateness of todays sermon. I have been out for two days carrying out Gods good work (ahem!).
Todays sermon is on the art of crushing - a very important part of rock climbing. A few times a year when the time is right it is necessary for a rock climber to crush. By crushing i mean dispatching or kicking the shit out of a certain boulder problem or sport route (crushing does not apply to trad). One day a rock climber may turn up at the crag to find something magic in the air, everything seems a little easier, there is an atmosphere that the rock climber has not experienced before, and this is when the climber crushes. Crsuhing only occurs a few times a year, if it occured any more than this then it would not hold such special resonance. The feeling of crushing a long term project or ones hardest problem or route is pure ectasy. It is like an orgasm that doesn't end for sometimes even days. Any sexual experience one has had will pale into insignificance compared to these moments. They are very special when they come around and they must be treasured. Sometimes there is a moment in a rock climbers life when the time is right to crush a certain project and one day either side just won't do it. This happened to me on a rock climb called Melancholie. I believe if i hadn't crushed that go i may never have done it. So my children when you know the time is right when your out a the crag and all is perfect go forth and crush!
A man who has mastered the art of crushing - Mr Keith Bradbury:

New Problems

Did some new problems down by the sea today on the orme with Monolith. Seaview Wall and Seaview Prow both around the 6c+ grade. check em:

Forgot

Forgot to say yesterday i witnessed Ben pritch retro flash the undercut move- almost 20 years after he last did it. not bad for an oldie!

NO BOULDERING ON ANGLESEY

Yes its official, me and the dog went to Benllech yesterday after a tip off from Schelmerdine. He had told me about a limestone roof in someones garden and showed me some promising pics. We found it and although promising it wasn't really worth bothering with cos of the ivy on the top and the fact that it is in someones garden. Anyway we checked out some boulders down by the beach and found a rather meaty roof which was quite cool. After we played it safe and headed to the Orme. Cave for a bit and then a nice evening sesh on the box, i started trying the Malteser link, forgot what an awkward little twat the malteser is. Gonna need to get used to it again. Did Jacky D's twice though - rock n roll!

A- team hits the Gop

Gave the North Wales A- Team (Floppy, Nodder, and Hock) the tour of the Gop today. It appeared to be slightly gopping when we arrive but it was nothing that a bit of chalk and enthusiasm couldn't sort. I wasn't sure how the crag would hold up to this onslaught, all are strong climbers although very different so anything could happen!Hock had a bit of an injury (he'd also had 14 days on!) but Dave and Chris soon got started on Push the Button. After playing around on different sequences for the end they eventually listened to me and used my sequence. Then it was time for the first move, Chris was close but didn't quite manage it. Then they got started on blokesmoker low, unrepeated since the foothold went. Nodder got physced, pissing the first move with a right toehook. Chris also got keen and so did Hock who couln't resist any longer. I've never tried this cos i've always seen danny struggle on it, but i thought i'd have a go. After a few goes i was almost as close to the jug as those boys, quite surprising. It seems my extra length helped me out. I spent the rest of the sesh trying Push the Bloke, a straight up problem between Push the Button and Smoke a Bloke, uses holds on both problems, really cool and only one move that i can't quite do. Well physced. Anyway Chris did Smoke a bloke 7b+ to finish off, confirming what we all knew- its nails! And that was that, i reckon those boys will be back there after they've cut down on the pies. I went to my old mans crag and did two very nice new 6c+s. Soundies!